thedecadentyouth.

Song-27

2009-07-22T20:46:00.003+08:00

There's some things we don't talk about
Rather do without
And just hold the smile
Falling in and out of love
Ashamed and proud of
Together all the while

You can never say never
Why we dont know when
Time and time again
Younger now than we were before

Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go

Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go

Picture you're the queen of everything
As far as the eye can see
Under your command
I will be your guardian
When all is crumbling
Steady your hand

You can never say never
Why we dont know when
Time, time and time again
Younger now then we were before

Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go

Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go

We're pulling apart and coming together again and again
We're growing apart but we pull it together, pull it together, together again

Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go

Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go

Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go

Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go

P.S. i will not let you go. but will you?

iamdecadent.

epiphany

2009-07-01T21:17:00.001+08:00

i've got a startling perspective. gotta start studying.

iamdecadent.

hypertension

2009-04-14T21:06:00.003+08:00

apparently i got "young hypertension" or high blood pressure in youth. i don't really know fully what that means, but simply put i might be gone sooner than i think. that will really be a relief for those who dislike or feel neutral towards me. just hope that you aren't those kind of people. i know i'm not the best person to be with, but i tried.

iamdecadent.

renew

2009-03-07T12:15:00.001+08:00

i'm going to make myself stand up again. only i can make me do it myself. won't be thinking about other things that much anymore. i still like you, mun yee.

iamdecadent.

feburary

2009-02-01T18:35:00.000+08:00

another month, another day.

iamdecadent.

regime

2009-01-25T20:53:00.000+08:00

life in PNS is really... fun? i don't know, cos i've been through it, i don't feel specially inclined to rant/complain about the programmes. however, most of the bad times are results of people's stupid and selfish behaviour. that's when the shit's really going down. and it's going down hard.

i'm currently holding a couple of posts during the course of my training. it's all good nonetheless, because by that it gives me better (or so i've gullibly thought) chance(s) of getting award(s).

anyway, the thought of going in on the night of the second day of chinese new year really gets to me. really shatters my mood for the entire chinese new year. bleh.

whatever it is, i still cannot get over you. what is/was wrong with me?

iamdecadent.

clueless

2009-01-24T07:53:00.000+08:00

what have i done wrong or didn't do to deserve this?

i need an answer.

iamdecadent.

ill

2008-12-03T20:14:00.000+08:00

i got über sick. the doctor says i got a body temp. of 39.5. other than fever, i got sore throat, muscle and joint pains, extreme insomnia, a gassy stomach, cough and cold. i doubt at this rate i can attend prom. now, i'll just have to hope that i recover in time for NS.

don't you realise that when you have insomnia, time passes by very slowly?

iamdecadent.

Song-26

2008-11-30T00:33:00.000+08:00

Hey,
Don't write yourself off yet.
It's only in your head you feel left out,
Or looked down on.
Just try your best,
Try everything you can.
And don't you worry what they tell themselves
When you're away.

It just takes some time,
Little girl, you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything, everything will be just fine,
Everything, everything will be alright. (alright)

Hey,
You know they're all the same.
You know you're doing better on your own, (on your own)
So don't buy in.
Live right now.
Yeah, just be yourself.
It doesn't matter if it's good enough (good enough)
For someone else.

It just takes some time,
Little girl, you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything, everything will be just fine,
Everything, everything will be alright. (alright)

It just takes some time,
Little girl, you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything, everything will be just fine,
Everything, everything will be alright. (alright)

Hey, don't write yourself off yet.
It's only in your head you feel left out, (feel left out)
Or looked down on.
Just do your best, (just do your best)
Do everything you can. (do everything you can)
And don't you worry what their bitter hearts (bitter hearts)
Are gonna say.

It just takes some time,
Little girl, you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything, everything will be just fine,
Everything, everything will be alright. (alright)

It just takes some time,
Little girl, you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything, everything will be just fine,
Everything, everything will be alright. (alright)

P.S. it just takes some time, everything will be alright.

iamdecadent.

Keeper

2008-11-26T00:06:00.000+08:00

I wanna love, I wanna leave.
I want you to love me, I want you to leave me.
I want to stand where I can see,
I'm watching you love me, I'm watching you leaving me now.

I wish I could be somebody else.
I wish I could see you and myself.
I wish there was something inside me
To keep you beside me,
And say what you really feel.
You know I need something that's real.
I wish there was something inside me,
To keep you beside me.

I wanna know if I could be
Someone to turn to that could never hurt you.
But I know what you think of me.
You had a breakthrough and now I'm just bad news for you.

I wish I could be somebody else.
I wish I could see you and myself.
I wish there was something inside me
To keep you beside me,
And say what you really feel.
You know I need something that's real.
I wish there was something inside me,
To keep you beside me.

I should've told you everything.
I never gave you anything.
I should've told you everything.
If I could give you anything,
Then I would tell you everything.

I wish I could be somebody else.
I wish I could see you and myself.
I wish there was something inside me
To keep you beside me,
And say what you really feel.
You know I need something that's real.
I wish there was something inside me,
To keep you beside me.

I should've told you everything.
I should've told you everything.
I should've told you everything.

P.S. i love you, and i want you to know. but i'm sorry, because i have no courage to tell you.

iamdecadent.

Song-25

2008-11-21T16:28:00.000+08:00

Jimmy wasn't really popular
He had a couple of friends back home
And sooner or later they're all getting out so he had to join up alone
He was dreaming of the ivy league since he was only three feet tall
And get the hell out of jersey and then he would never look back at all

And then you hear'em say
That miles away
We lost another one that we sent with a gun
They're gonna miss him he was two weeks from twenty and there's still no shame
From the man to blame

Jimmy never had a reason to stay
Cos all the factories shut down
All he had was a line for his name
So he could sign away his right to be proud
He tried to kiss her on the way out the door,
She just put her little hand on his face
I don't understand why you're leaving, she said
But I hope you're gonna ask me to wait

And then you hear'em say
That miles away
We lost another one that we sent with a gun
His lady missed him, he was two weeks from twenty and there's still no shame
From the man to blame

Jimmy's mother went to Capitol Hill
So she could fill her heart up with joy
Maybe shake a few hands while she's there and tell them thank you sir for taking
my boy.

And then your hear'em say
That miles away
We lost another one that we sent with a gun
His mama missed him he was two weeks from twenty and there's still no shame
From the man to blame
No there's still no shame
And we're all to blame
We're all to blame
We're all to blame
We're all to blame

P.S. i'm to blame.

iamdecadent.

slow

2008-08-17T12:22:00.000+08:00

i'll be the tortise. creep my way to greatness.

iamdecadent.

festival

2008-08-03T21:21:00.001+08:00

happy hungry ghost festival.

iamdecadent.

Song-24

2008-07-24T21:02:00.000+08:00

Two jumps in a week, I bet you think that's pretty clever don't you boy.
Flying on your motorcycle, watching all the ground beneath you drop.
You'd kill yourself for recognition; kill yourself to never ever stop.
You broke another mirror; you're turning into something you are not.

Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry
Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry

Drying up in conversation, you will be the one who cannot talk.
All your insides fall to pieces, you just sit there wishing you could still make love
They're the ones who'll hate you when you think you've got the world all sussed out
They're the ones who'll spit at you. You will be the one screaming out.

Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry
Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry

It's the best thing that you've ever had, the best thing that you've ever, ever
had.
It's the best thing that you've ever had; the best thing you've had has gone away.

Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry
Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry

P.S. please don't leave me high and dry. please.

iamdecadent.

lament

2008-07-23T22:42:00.001+08:00

i am not doing anything whatsoever with regards to practically all aspects of my life. seriously i am a failure. i ought to die.

iamdecadent.

desire

2008-07-22T22:07:00.000+08:00

i'm going to make myself die at 50.

iamdecadent.

nothingness

2008-07-21T23:05:00.000+08:00

iamdecadent.

thought-02

2008-07-19T19:46:00.000+08:00

i heard my life telling me: "this is me. this is you. this is myself, this is yourself. i'm here to tell you, you're here to listen. you're here to tell me, i'm here to listen. i suck. you suck. i don't have anything worthwhile about myself to mention. you don't have anything worthwhile about myself to mention. i hope you see the light. you'd hope i've seen the light."

wished i had self-confidence. wish i had courage. wishing that i have let you know myself.

DX

joke

2008-07-14T22:28:00.000+08:00

three tomatoes are walking down the street.
papa tomato, mama tomato and baby tomato.
baby tomato starts lagging behind.
and papa tomato gets really angry.
goes back and squishes him.
says 'ketchup'.

ketchup.

wish i could ketchup with my life.
everything about it.

DX

Song-23

2008-07-10T20:19:00.000+08:00

Tell me that you're alright,
Yeah everything is alright.
Oh please tell me that you're alright,
Yeah everything is alright.

Give me a reason to end this discussion,
To break with tradition.
To fold and divide.

Cause I hate the ocean, theme parks and airplanes,
Talking with strangers, waiting in line..
I'm through with these pills that make me sit still.
"Are you feeling fine?"
Yes, I feel just fine.

Tell me that you're alright,
Yeah everything is alright.
Oh please tell me that you're alright,
Yeah everything is alright.

I'm sick of the things I do when I'm nervous
Like cleaning the oven or checking my tires
Or counting the number of tiles in the ceiling..
Head for the hills, the kitchen's on fire!

I used to rely on self-medication,
I guess I still do that from time to time.
But I'm getting better at fighting the future,
"Someday you'll be fine.."
Yes, I'll be just fine.

Tell me that you're alright,
Yeah everything is alright.
Oh please tell me that you're alright,
Yeah everything is alright.

Give me a reason (I don't believe a word)
To end this discussion (of anything I've heard)
To break with tradition (they tell me that it's not so hard)
To fold and divide (it's not so hard)
So let's not get carried (away with everything)
Away with the process (from here to in-between)
of elimination (the long goodbye)
I don't want to waste your time.

Tell me that you're alright,
Yeah everything is alright.
Oh please tell me that you're alright,
Yeah everything is alright.

(Alright)
Tell me that you're alright, (Hi, everything's great)
Yeah everything is alright. (Everything's fine)
Oh please tell me that you're alright, (Hi, everything's great)
Yeah everything is alright.
(Everything's fine)
(Everything's fine)
(Everything's fine)
(Everything's fine)

P.S. everything's not alright. need to study.

happy

2008-06-15T22:05:00.001+08:00

i want to be happy.

DX

Message

2008-06-08T22:49:00.000+08:00

Even if it's a lie, even if it's a dream, please turn to me.
Your smile on a certain day isn't a lie, it's not a dream.
But having it turn to me might be my lie, my dream.
But the day you call my name, it won't be a lie, it won't be a dream.

It's never been a lie, it's never been a dream that i love you.

Song-22

2008-06-01T20:41:00.000+08:00

Take the light and darken everything around me
Call the clowns and listen closely I'm lost without you
Call your name every day when I feel so helpless
I've fallen down but I'll rise above this, rise above this

Hate the mind, regrets are better left unspoken
For all we know, this void will grow
An everything's in vain, distressing you though it leaves me open
Feels so right, but I'll end this all before it gets me

Call your name every day when I feel so helpless
I've fallen down but I'll rise above this, rise above this
Call your name every day when I seem so helpless
I've fallen down, and I'll rise above this, rise above this doubt

I'll mend myself before it gets me
(I'll mend myself before it gets me)
I'll mend myself before it gets me
(I'll mend myself before it gets me)

Call your name every day when I feel so helpless
I've fallen down but I'll rise above this, rise above this
Forty eight ways to say that I'm feelin' helpless
I'm Falling down, falling down, but I'll rise above this, rise above this,
Rise above this, rise above this doubt

P.S. i must focus.

DX

Song-21

2008-05-29T20:32:00.000+08:00

See you sittin' next to the window in the bedroom
She breaks down - breaks down
Crying over something and starin' into nothin'
Afraid now - hate now
Wanting, needing, haunting, it's killing me
Faking what has happened to live the life like that man
I'll break down - It's fake now

Will you, will you love me tomorrow?
So Will You, Will you stay with me today?

Fade in and out of reason to fight the way she's feelin'
She breaks down - breaks down
Going through the motions and holding onto hopes
and her dreams now - somehow
Shaken, mistaken, forsaken, it's killing me.
Wishing you could change, but he's always been this way
If you leave now - I'll drown

Will you, will you love me tomorrow?
So Will You, Will you stay with me today?
Will you, will you be here tomorrow?
So Will You, you remember yesterday?

Yesterday! Yesterday!
Yesterday! Yesterday!

This time, I'm sorry
This time, I'm sorry
This time, this time, I'm sorry for this time
This time, this time, I'm sorry
This time I'm sorry!

Will you, Will you love me tomorrow?
So Will You, Will you stay with me today?
Will you, Will you be here tomorrow?
So Will You, you remember yesterday?

Will you?
Will you?
Will you?
Will you?
Will you?
Will you?

So Will You?

Will you?
Will you?
Will you?
Will you?
Will you?
Will you?

P.S. will you?

stop

2008-05-20T21:03:00.000+08:00

i'm going to put all stops to any advances or part thereof (though not highly applicable here) that i have made thus far or are making. it is with regards to someone that i like/ love. letting go is that hardest thing. i have to do this as to tell me too ease my mind, and focus on the issue at hand. that is, studies and studying. i've got to motivate myself, and concentrate. who knows, if it is meant to be, the two of us may even carry on our friendship (or what that is left of it, currently) in the future.

DX

Trixie

2008-05-18T21:53:00.000+08:00

i like trixie, or christina ricci (the actress who portrayed trixie in the movie). she is really very and abosolutely cute. her hair is nice, and it fits her facial features perfectly. hope you agree with me.

DX

thought-01

2008-05-16T21:12:00.000+08:00

cocky people should just take a bow and take a hike. not that they think that taking a bow is below them. look beyond, see the light. when you don't know anything about a certain subject, don't act that you know. it shows that you are shallow. that alone tells people around you that you crave attention. in addition, do not give those that you really dislike (or percieved to be disliking) that kind of condescending look. it shows that you are intolerant. no one will get far, considering the fact that asid individual(s) are intolerant.

never in my life have i met someone who is cocky. and now i know what it is that makes such people being hated. those around such indiviuals tolerate. a lot. humility is the key to anything in life, as i'vealways thought. i'm not humble. which is why i do not go far in life. however, the difference between you and me is that i know that. self-awareness is something you do not and will not, or rather, never have. you need something that is so immensely embarassing to let you realise that you are nothing. well, you are something, alright. someone worse than me, something lesser than a nobody.

DX

empty

2008-05-15T18:18:00.001+08:00

i'm empty. like a lifeless shell i carry on with my day-to-day activities. i need to break free.

DX

anger

2008-05-12T19:45:00.000+08:00

i want some individual in my class to rot. not just in hell, but also during that person's every living moment. i just don't like that person, and i can feel that the feeling is mutual. which is good. i really want a certain day of triumph, a certain hour of reckoning, a cetain moment of revelation that i can show my dislike for that individual. when that happens, it is going to be ugly.

while attempting to do some exercise this morning, during physical ed. class, this particular song kept echoing at the back of my head. it is titled 'Sick Sad Little World', and i like it very much.

No, You're not the first to fall apart
But always the first one to complain
You better get careful or you'll compromise everything You are

The world is a drought when out of love
Please come back to us
You're all of the above
I'm making a choice to be out of touch
Leave me be he said
he said
he said

Leave me here in my stark raving sick sad little world

Leave me here in my stark raving sick sad little world

I've never had unpaid confidantes
It's more than I would care to explain
But I have an open door policy when it comes to blame

The world is a joke when out of love
Please come back to us
You're all of the above
I'm making a choice to be out of touch
Leave me be he said
he said
he said

Leave me here in my stark raving sick sad little world

Leave me here in my stark raving sick sad little world

Leave me here in my stark raving sick sad little world

Leave me here in my stark raving sick sad little world

P.S. to that individual, UP YOURS!

DX

Admiration

2008-05-11T23:34:00.000+08:00

Could you move in slow motion?
Everything goes by so fast
Just slow down a little
Save the best part for last

You speak in riddles
Your intentions turn me on
I'm your's forever
Will you love me when I'm gone?

When I'm gone!

When I'm gone,
You're an unfenced fire!
(When I'm gone,)
Over walls we've trampled!
(When I'm gone,)
It's you I admire!
(When I'm gone,)
My living example...

Your eyes are an undiscovered ocean far away
Any minute now keeping
Both poets and priests at bay
Don't get ahead of me
Could we just this once see eye to eye?
Could you want perhaps me?
Ask me how it feels to vie

To vie!

You're an unfenced fire! (to vie)
Over walls we trampled! (to vie)
It's you I admire! (to vie)
My living example...

It's a photograph discovered a decade after
It's a cannon blast disguised as a firecracker
It's enough to bring a brick wall to its knees
And sing, please

Could you move in slow motion?
Everything goes by so fast
Just slow down a little
Save the best part for last

For last!

You're an unfenced fire! (for last)
Over walls we trampled! (for last)
It's you I admire! (for last)
My living example...
My living example...

It's you I admire!!
My living example

P.S. it's you i love and admire. my living example.

DX

Song-20

2008-05-09T22:23:00.001+08:00

Before the story begins, is it such a sin,
For me to take what's mine, until the end of time?
We were more than friends, before the story ends,
And I will take what's mine, create what
God would never design

Our love had been so strong for far too long,
I was weak with fear that
Something would go wrong,
Before the possibilities came true,
I took all possibility from you
Almost laughed myself to tears,
Conjuring her deepest fears

Must have stabbed her fifty fucking times,
I can't believe it,
Ripped her heart out right before her eyes,
Eyes over easy, eat it, eat it, eat it

She was never this good in bed
Even when she was sleepin'
Now she's just so perfect I've
Never been quite so fucking deep in
It goes on, and on, and on,
I can keep you lookin' young and preserved forever,
With a fountain to spray on your youth whenever

'Cause I really always knew that my little crime
Would be cold that's why I got a heater for your thighs
And I know, I know it's not your time
But bye, bye
And a word to the wise when the fire dies
You think it's over but it's just begun
But baby don't cry

You had my heart, at least for the most part
'Cause everybody's gotta die sometime, we fell apart
Let's make a new start
'Cause everybody's gotta die sometime yeah
But baby don't cry

Now possibilities I'd never considered,
Are occurring the likes of which I'd never heard,
Now an angry soul comes back from beyond the grave,
To repossess a body with which I'd misbehaved

Smiling right from ear to ear
Almost laughed herself to tears

Must have stabbed him fifty fucking times
I can't believe it
Ripped his heart out right before his eyes
Eyes over easy
Eat it, eat it, eat it

Now that it's done I realize the error of my ways
I must venture back to apologize from somewhere far beyond the grave

I gotta make up for what I've done
'Cause I was all up in a piece of heaven
While you burned in hell, no peace forever

'Cause I really always knew that my little crime
Would be cold that's why I got a heater for your thighs
And I know, I know it's not your time
But bye, bye
And a word to the wise when the fire dies
You think it's over but it's just begun
But baby don't cry

You had my heart, at least for the most part
'Cause everybody's gotta die sometime, we fell apart
Let's make a new start
'Cause everybody's gotta die sometime yeah
But baby don't cry

I will suffer for so long
(What will you do, not long enough)
To make it up to you
(I pray to God that you do)
I'll do whatever you want me to do
(Well then I'll grant you one chance)
And if it's not enough
(If it's not enough, If it's not enough)
If it's not enough
(Not enough)
Try again
(Try again)
And again
(And again)
Over and over again

We're coming back, coming back
We'll live forever, live forever
Let's have wedding, have a wedding
Let's start the killing, start the killing

Do you take this man in death for the rest of your unnatural life?
(Yes, I do.)
Do you take this woman in death for the rest of your unnatural life?
(I do)
I now pronounce you...

'Cause I really always knew that my little crime
Would be cold that's why I got a heater for your thighs
And I know, I know it's not your time
But bye, bye
And a word to the wise when the fire dies
You think it's over but it's just begun
But baby don't cry

You had my heart, at least for the most part
'Cause everybody's gotta die sometime, we fell apart
Let's make a new start
'Cause everybody's gotta die sometime yeah
But baby don't cry

P.S.

DX

Song-19

2008-05-08T22:06:00.000+08:00

Blink and you miss a beat
Keep one of your eyes open at all times
Think that you're on the brink
The shit hasn't even begun to hit the fan
Consequence you'll see will be stranger
Than a gang of drunken mimes
Situation has a stink
Better clear the air before your son becomes a man

Before your son becomes a man

Blink everything's been augmented
You’ve been left so far behind
I think fo'sho next time
You should wear a pair of eyes
In the back of your head
Consequence you've seen
Has been stranger than sci-fi of any kind
Situation baffles me
I guess it's true you too are one Of
The walking dead

You better think fast, think fast
Cause you never know
What’s coming around the bend
You better not blink or breathe
For consequence is a bigger word than you think

It's bigger than you or me
You or me
You or me

You or me

You better think fast, think fast
Cause you never know
What’s coming around the bend
You better not blink or breathe
For consequence is a bigger word than you think
It’s bigger than you or me
You or me
You or me

P.S. i don't know what to say. i can't say anything. everything that i'm going to say, if any, has no effect whatsoever. i hate myself. for getting me into such a mess i'm in currently. i just hope that i can find some form of motivation. wish you were here.

DX

birthday

2008-05-02T22:24:00.000+08:00

today's my birthday. not alot of people remembered, but it is alright. cos that really made me happy. by 'that' that special someone to me remembered, and what's so significant is that that someone was the first to text me with that special someone's birtday wishes to me. at that point in time, i only felt one thing: it doesn't matter if the whole world doesn't care or remember, the only thing that matters to me is that you care. it makes me really happy. i love you.

DX

decoy

2008-04-29T21:32:00.000+08:00

there is no mint-green person that i know in tuition class, and whom i loved.i don't have tuition outside of school, but i am certainly feeling something towards someone whom i know for a long time now...

for those who are still inquisitive, stop asking or what. you're not going to get anything real/ concrete.

DX

notice

2008-04-28T20:15:00.000+08:00

to that someone who may have thought found out who i really loved, i can only say that are are not given the true details. that is because it is, to me, none of your business to find out who i really love. this kind of feeling is a really personal one, so if i do not think it is the right time to show it, or due to me not being able to convey my emotions and/ or feelings effectively show it to the intended person, i'm sorry. but it is me, someone who cannot come to terms with even himself. however, if you had already known, please believe that it is true. that feeling i have, it is real.

DX

aimless

2008-04-27T22:37:00.001+08:00

i am aimless. wandering without an aim. with imminent end. i cannot continue like this.

DX

love

2008-04-19T23:32:00.000+08:00

To see you when I wake up
is a gift
I didn't think could be real.
To know that you feel the same
as I do
is a three-fold, utopian dream.
You do something to me that I can't explain.
So would I be out of line
if I said,
I miss you.
I see your picture, I smell your skin
on the empty pillow
next to mine.
You have only been gone ten days,
but already I'm wasting away.
I know I'll see you again
whether far or soon.
But I need you to know that I care
and I miss you.

P.S. i really love you. amid all the other rumours and scuffles, it's true.

rogues

2008-04-17T20:07:00.001+08:00

I’m keeping an eye on the future
an eye on the past
& the present in my pocket
just in case I need a door…
into a brave new world where all solutions end up with my head.
Buried to my neck in sand.
Enough, enough bowing down to disillusion!
Hats off & applause to rogues & evolution!
The ripple effect is too good not to mention.
If you’re not affected, you’re not paying attention!
It’s too good, too good, not to have an effect.
I’m keeping an eye on the pulse
an ear to the track & penance in a locket
I’m dropping from the highest floor.
When it hits ground I watch it smash to pieces.
Songs of liberation echo from the dust. The dust.
Enough bowing down to disillusion!
Hats off & applause to rogues & evolution!
The ripple effect is too good not to mention.
If you’re not affected, you’re not paying attention!
It’s too good, too good, not to have an effect!
Enough, enough, enough, enough, enough!
Enough bowing down to disillusion!
Hats off & applause to rogues & revolution!
The ripple effect is too good not to mention.
If you’re not affected, you’re not paying attention!
It’s too good, too good, too good… yes.

Song-18

2008-04-15T21:26:00.000+08:00

Last Years Wishes,
Are This Years Apologies,
Every Last Time I Come Home,
I Take My Last Chance To Burn a Bridge Or Two,
I Only Keep Myself This Sick In The Head,
Because I Know How the Words Get You,

We’re The New Face Of Failure,
Prettier and Younger,
But Not Any Better Off,
Bulletproof Loneliness,
At Best, at Best

Me And You, Setting In A Honeymoon,
If I Woke Up Next To You,
If I Woke Up Next To You,
Me And You, Setting In A Honeymoon,
If I Woke Up Next To You,
If I Woke Up Next To You,

Collect The Bad Habits,
That You Couldn’t Bear To Keep,
Out Of The Woods, But I Love,
A Tree, I Used To Lay Beneath,
Kissed Teeth Stained Red
From A Sour Bottle Baby Girl,
With Eyes The Size Of Baby Worlds,

We’re The New Face Of Failure,
Prettier and Younger,
But Not Any Better Off,
Bulletproof Loneliness,
At Best, at Best

Me And You, Setting In A Honeymoon,

If I Woke Up Next To You,
If I Woke Up Next To You,
Me And You, Setting In A Honeymoon,
If I Woke Up Next To You,
If I Woke Up Next To You,

Me And You, Setting In A Honeymoon,
If I Woke Up Next To You,
If I Woke Up Next To You,
Me And You, Setting In A Honeymoon,
If I Woke Up Next To You,
If I Woke Up Next To You,

The Best Way To Make It Through,
With Hearts And Wrists Intact,
Is To Realize,
2 Out Of 3 Ain’t Bad, Ain’t Bad

Me And You, Setting In A Honeymoon,
If I Woke Up Next To You,
If I Woke Up Next To You,
Me And You,
Honeymoon,
Me And You,
Honeymoon,
If I Woke Up Next To You,
If I Woke Up Next To You,
Me And You,
Honeymoon,
Me And You,
Honeymoon,
If I Woke Up Next To You,

…Honeymoon

P.S. hope someone out there knows what i'm going through.

DX

unbelievable

2008-04-14T22:13:00.000+08:00

Always said I would know where to find love,
Always thought I'd be ready and strong enough,
But some times I just felt I could give up.
But you came and changed my whole world now,
I'm somewhere I've never been before.
Now I see, what love means.

It's so unbelievable,
And I don't want to let it go,
Something so beautiful,
Flowing down like a waterfall.
I feel like you've always been,
Forever a part of me.
And it's so unbelievable to finally be in love,
Somewhere I'd never thought I'd be.

In my heart, in my head, it's so clear now,
Hold my hand you've got nothing to fear now,
I was lost and you've rescued me some how-.
I'm alive, I'm in love you complete me,
And I've never been here before.
Now I see, what love means.

It's so unbelievable,
And I don't want to let it go,
Something so beautiful,
Flowing down like a waterfall.
I feel like you've always been,
Forever a part of me.
And it's so unbelievable to finally be in love,
Somewhere I'd never thought I'd be.

When I think of what I have, and this chance I nearly lost,
I cant help but break down, and cry.
Ohh yeah, break down and cry.

It's so unbelievable,
And I don't want to let it go,
Something so beautiful,
Flowing down like a waterfall.
I feel like you've always been,
Forever a part of me.
And it's so unbelievable to finally be in love,
Somewhere I'd never thought I'd be.

Now I see, what love means

P.S. haix...

DX

sick

2008-04-11T13:27:00.000+08:00

skipped school today, cos got muscleache and a persistent morning sorethroat,of which the latter got worse. just found out it was throat inflammation (sore throat), and it seems to the doctor it's very serious. so i got a course of antibiotics to finish and also a 'mouth wash' solution. and the usual, the tablets that you suck. as for the muscleache i got paracetamol. looks like it's the wonder meds now...

DX

surreal

2008-04-03T22:43:00.000+08:00

i shall become a totally different person from this on.

DX

sociopath

2008-03-30T18:24:00.000+08:00

wouldn't it be nice to have eyes as dark as those of a sociopath's, and a gaze that tells others you've seen too much, so much so that you've never picked yourself up again?

DX

phone

2008-03-30T03:15:00.000+08:00

i need a new phone. i've found a model that i desire, it's sony ericsson w950i. any kind soul, who is readin this and know where that i can get them, kindly leave a message. budget is below SGD430.

Thank you.

DX

Song-17

2008-03-22T11:05:00.000+08:00

Lying in my bed
I hear the clock tick
And think of you
Caught up in circles
Confusion is nothing new
You say
Go slow
I fall behind
The second hand
Unwinds

If you’re lost
You can look
And you will find me
Time after time
If you fall
I will catch you
I’ll be waiting
Time after time
Time after time
Time after time

Sometimes
You picture me
I’m walking
Too far ahead
You’re calling
To me
I can’t hear
Just what you’ve said

You say
Go slow
I fall behind
The second hand
Unwinds

If you’re lost
You can look
And you will find me
Time after time
If you fall
I will catch you
I’ll be waiting
Time after time

After
My picture fades
And darkness
Has turned to grey
Watching
Through windows
You’re wondering
If I’m okay

And you say
Go slow
I fall behind
The drum beats
Out of time

If you’re lost
You can look
And you will find me
Time after time
If you fall
I will catch you
I’ll be waiting
Time after time
If you’re lost
You can look
And you will find me
Time after time
If you fall
I will catch you
I’ll always be waiting
Time after time
Time after time

DX

Revived

2008-03-20T20:16:00.000+08:00

my blog was dead. once. or more than that. but i guess i'll post again as i deem fit.

DX

Searching

2008-03-16T00:37:00.000+08:00

lost a card. it is worth more than sgd 55, and can sell easily. i hate myself.

DX

Focus

2008-03-13T21:51:00.000+08:00

i can't focus. what the hell.

DX

Nothingness

2008-03-12T14:44:00.001+08:00

nothing to do. nothing to motivate me to study.

DX

loveless

2008-03-08T12:53:00.000+08:00

every night when i sleep, i sleep with thoughts of you.

DX

Echo

2008-03-06T22:08:00.000+08:00

There's something about the look in your eyes
Something I noticed when the light was just right
It reminded me twice that I was alive
And it reminded me that you're so worth the fight

My biggest fear will be the rescue of me
Strange how it turns out that way...

Could you show me dear... Something I've not seen?
Something infinitely interesting

Theres something about the way you move
I see your mouth in slow motion when you sing
More subtle than something someone contrives
Your movements echo that I have seen the real thing

Your biggest fear will be the rescue of you
Strange how it turns out that way...

Could you show me dear... Something I've not seen?
Something infinitely interesting

You are just so out of reach.

DX

Rout

2008-02-28T17:51:00.000+08:00

i got 'told off' by my physics sub-tutor. but it was good, cos he sort of set me straight. he's a 'sub' cos he's not the main. but he's arguably better than the main one. in any case, i am going to start to pick up the broken and shattered pieces of my (academic) life, then start to rush. the smithereens of life... how could i have ever messed them up so badly...

DX

Request

2008-02-24T11:34:00.000+08:00

do you people know what's rubbing salt into wound, applying butter on burns? if you do, please refrain from doing, or even mentioning the following, in front/ audible/ visible range of the affected personnels:
-saying that a certain individual is another's "favourite teacher (",)" (that smirk is necessary)
-upon the end of a certain lecture/ lesson, remark that it is time for a certain individual's "favourite lesson (=" (that smile is necessary)

as the list is non-exhaustive, may all childish individuals stop their behaviour and grow up. with at least 17 years of life experience, you should know what is appropriate and what isn't. when the tables are turned, it is to my perception that you, too do not want anyone to do likewise. no matter how much that you say you "don't mind", it is in your collective subconscious that you actually do, just that you do not, and will try not to publicly show it.

DX

Absolution

2008-02-19T19:43:00.000+08:00

i am really sorry for updating my blog sloppily... in any ways or means, this shall be the post that i am going to talk about my resolution... maybe. i am not so sure, but it really seems weird to me that i am blogging about what i am going to become for the next year. as what's written here may just be a fragment of my unsound, sociopathic mind it is not really a true indication or what-not for the mindset i am going to havefor the remaining time in this year. however, one thing is for certain, that i am going to settle down and start studying by this friday. which is after the significant (to me, after all) 15th day of the first lunar month. henceforth, i shall after that day cut down on my idle time. that is what i had in my mind.

a certain individual is really fouled up to the extent that calling said individual 'fouled up' is doing injustice to those people who are (fortunately or unfortunately) fouled up. when you are doing an assignment, it would be really nice and appreciated that you do not put 'impression' into place. else where's justice? if you don't know what that means, maybe that said individual should go and read up more. said individual may not even heard of the term 'noise of creativity', where a certain flexibility in a regime will help indivivuals undergoing said regime to ease up a little. when people talk, theycommunicate. when people are distracted, it may be error on one's part that one is not engaging. being a control freak will never help in any interdependant symbiosis or what-not. when one has power, please put it to good use. not trying ways and means to restrict and suppress other individuals. when left alone, said individuals have one thing that you had presumed they don't - taking responsibility for themselves. clashes such as this are irrelevant and would be really unnecessary. what's more important that it impedes the individuals' impression of said individual as anormal, human being. 'how can anyone ever tolerate that kind of treatment?' they wondered. it is really below these individuals to actually make their grudges and unhappiness towards said individual materialise. if said individual happens to stumble on this little piece of article, put some of your (i presumed you have, and it is working and functioning normally like any other human being's) brain into working. that would be called 'reflecting'. this would mostly be all. you retard.

DX

tired

2008-02-17T22:44:00.000+08:00

sianz diaoz these few days i'm really tired. don't know why... then summore the gp is getting on my nerves, but i'm going to *try* to finish it tomorrow morning, then can hand in... oh yeah, still got maths to chiong. but i dao-ed it. not with intentions, but it is just that i sianz diaoz, cos i din know how to do... will have to copy tomorrow too... this post sounds more 'flustered' than 'tired', but i'll stick to that name. wonder why some songs doesn't have their title reflected in their song lyrics/mood/tune? this post is something like that. except it is more boring. more bland. more plain. more selfsh.

DX

Song-16

2008-02-09T20:18:00.000+08:00

Take a photograph,
It'll be the last,
Not a dollar or a crowd could ever keep me here,

I don't have a past
I just have a chance,
Not a family or honest plea remains to say,

Rain rain go away,
Come again another day,
All the world is waiting for the sun.

Is it you I want,
Or just the notion
Of a heart to wrap around so I can find my way around

Safe to say from here,
You're getting closer now,
We are never sad cause we are not allowed to be

Rain rain go away,
Come again another day,
All the world is waiting for the sun.

Rain rain go away,
Come again another day,
All the world is waiting for the sun.

To lie here under you,
Is all that I could ever do,
To lie here under you is all,
To lie here under you is all that i could ever do,
To lie here under you is all,

Rain rain go away,
Come again another day,
All the world is waiting for the sun.

Rain rain go away,
Come again another day,
All the world is waiting for the sun,
All the world is waiting for the sun,
All the world is waiting for the sun.

P.S. i am miserable.

DX

Song-15

2008-02-08T09:13:00.000+08:00

Look up, the stars are fading
And I am still here waiting
To see you again
Be with you my friend

When the moon is gone forever
I hope you're up there somewhere
I'll see you again
Be with you my friend

'Cause all the roads they lead to where you are
And all the streetlights shine like they were stars
That's where you are

Let's spend tonight on top of the world
And we can do anything,
We can be anything
I'll meet you tonight on top of the world
As real as it seems,
You're only in my dreams

Look out across the water
Faces of lonely daughters and mothers who care
But just can't be there
Swear that I will see you someday
I have to find a way
To show you I care
Even if you're not there

So I'm following the road to where you are
(Meet you tonight on top of)
The streetlights they will guide me to the stars
That's where you are

Let's spend tonight on top of the world
And we can do anything,
We can be anything
I'll meet you tonight on top of the world
As real as it seems,
You're only in my dreams

My heart is empty without you
Sometimes you don't know what you do
And I need you tonight
I'll fall asleep and it's alright
Close my eyes and I'll be by your side

Let's spend tonight on top of the world
And we can do anything,
We can be anything
I'll meet you tonight on top of the world
As real as it seems,
You're only in my dreams

Let's spend tonight on top of the world
(On top of the world)
As real as it seems,
You're only in my dreams

P.S. good song for a mortified soul.

DX

joyful

2008-02-03T00:28:00.000+08:00

i got money now, so can buy shoes. but now the shoes around are like so fouled up. so i am sad. and my sole is wider than it should be, meaning shoes that fit me nicely goes outta shape sooner.

can anyone help me?

DX

song-14

2008-01-31T22:05:00.000+08:00

Tonight we drink to youth
And holding fast the truth
Don't want to lose what I had as a boy
My heart still has a beat
But love is now a feat
As common as a cold day in L.A.

Sometimes when I'm alone I wonder
Is there a spell that I am under
Keeping me from seeing the real thing

Love hurts
But sometimes it's a good hurt
And it feels like I'm alive
Love sings
When it transcends the bad things
Have a heart and try me
'cause without love I won't survive

I'm fettered and abused
Stand naked and accused
Should I surface, this one-man submarine?
I only want the truth!
So tonight we drink to youth!
I'll never lose what I had as a boy

Sometimes when I'm alone I wonder

Is there a spell that I am under
Keeping me from seeing the real thing?

Love hurts
But sometimes it's a good hurt
And it feels like I'm alive
Love sings
When it transcends the bad things
Have a heart and try me
'cause without love I won't survive

Without love I won't survive

Love hurts
But sometimes it's a good hurt
And it feels like I'm alive
Love sings
When it transcends the bad things
Have a heart and try me
'cause without love I won't survive

Love hurts, ohhh-oh ohh
Love hurts
Without love I won't survive
Love hurts la-la-la-la-la-la oh
Love hurts
Without love I won't survive

P.S. -.-

DX

Outlook

2008-01-30T20:39:00.000+08:00

seems to me that this year sucks kerbillions and it's not going to change for the better. changed my outlook, now i shall be a boor. maybe it'll make me feel alot better. time will tell.

DX

Exasperated

2008-01-28T23:01:00.000+08:00

Sian, feels like i need a cocked gun, so i can just put it to my head, and pop it...

DX

What...

2008-01-24T19:23:00.000+08:00

sianz got owned by classmates and juniors. wad a life. got some stupid ct stuff to do. gp article. maths tutorial. gp f2f questions. darn.

DX

Gay-chicken

2008-01-23T19:53:00.000+08:00

lol today i played a new game, called gay-chicken. you're supposed to put your face close to the other person's, then the one who backed out is the gay-chicken. lol. sianz.

DX

Covet

2008-01-20T20:01:00.001+08:00

i need-
a new phone
an ipod
an nds
a new and better body
more confidence

DX

Song-13

2008-01-17T18:47:00.000+08:00

Push it out
fake a smile
Avert disaster
just in time
I need a drink
cause in a while
Worthless answer from friends of mind
It's dumb to ask, cool to ignore
Girls possess me, but they're never mine
I made my entrance, avoided hazards
Checked my engine, I fell behind

I fell behind

She makes me feel like it's raining outside
And when the storm's gone i'm all torn up inside
I'm always nervous on days like this like the prom
I get too scared to move, cause i'm a fucking boy

Remember when I was in the grocery store
now's my time
Lost the words,lost my nerve, lost the girl, left the line
I would wish upon a star, but that star, it doesn't shine
So read my book with a boring ending
A short story of a lonely guy

I fell behind

She makes me feel like it's raining outside
And when the storm's gone i'm all torn up inside
I'm always nervous on, days like this like the prom
I get too scared to move, cause I'm a fucking boy

She makes me feel like it's raining outside
And when the storm's gone i'm all torn up inside
I'm always nervous on, days like this like the prom
I get too scared to move, cause i'm still just a stupid worthless boy

P.S. i feel rotten

DX

Song-12

2008-01-16T22:18:00.000+08:00

This town is colder now, I think it's sick of us
It's time to make our move, I'm shakin off the rust
I've got my heart set on anywhere but here
I'm staring down myself, counting up the years
Steady hands, just take the wheel...
And every glance is killing me
Time to make one last appeal... for the life I lead

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're 'here' not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, can u see what I see

They're tryin to come back, all my senses push
Un-tie the weight bags, I never thought I could...
Steady feet, don't fail me now
Gonna run till you can't walk
But something pulls my focus out
And I'm standing down...

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, you don't need

What u need, what u need...

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be
Oh, do u see what I see...

P.S. i feel down and out.

DX

Empty

2008-01-12T20:21:00.001+08:00

bah, life sucks.

DX

Sadness

2008-01-10T18:56:00.000+08:00

i can't seem to get anything right. even my feelings, i guess. i hope that she know how i feel, and i hope to know how she feels. but this time of our lives, we need to focus on something that is more important. haiz... hope i had more courage. why am i as such?

DX

Desperation

2008-01-08T20:30:00.000+08:00

!@#$, i don't know what the %^&* is wrong with me... nothing seems to go right... seems like every single people wants a piece to me... !@#$

DX

Damn

2008-01-07T20:44:00.000+08:00

Damn it i suck at life... God damn it... Grew up a screw-up... What the hamburgers...

DX

Song-11

2008-01-04T23:03:00.000+08:00

It's too late baby, there's no turning around
I've got my hands in my pocket and my head in a cloud
This is how I do
When I think about you
I never thought that you could break me apart
I keep a sinister smile and a hold of my heart
You want to get inside
Then you can get in line
But not this time

Cause you caught me off guard
Now I'm running and screaming

I feel like a hero and you are my heroine

I won't try to philosophize
I'll just take a deep breath and I'll look in your eyes
This is how I feel
And it's so surreal
I got a closet filled up to the brim
With the ghosts of my past and the skeletons
And I don't know why
You'd even try
But I won't lie

You caught me off guard
Now I'm running and screaming

I feel like a hero and you are my heroine
Do you know that your love is the sweetest sin?

And I feel a weakness coming on
Never felt so good to be so wrong
Had my heart on lockdown
And then you turned me around
I'm feeling like a new born child
Every time I get a chance to see you smile
It's not complicated
I was so jaded

And you caught me off guard
Now I'm running and screaming

I feel like a hero and you are my heroine
Do you know that your love is the sweetest sin?

(I feel like a hero and you are my heroine)
And I feel a weakness coming on
Never felt so good to be so wrong
Had my heart on lockdown
And then you turned me around
(Do you know that your love is the sweetest sin?)
I'm feeling like a new born child
Every time I get a chance to see you smile
It's not complicated
I was so jaded

(I feel like a hero and you are my heroine)
And I feel a weakness coming on
Never felt so good to be so wrong
Had my heart on lockdown
And then you turned me around
(Do you know that your love is the sweetest sin?)
I'm feeling like a new born child
Every time I get a chance to see you smile
It's not complicated
I was so jaded

P.S. i hope you'd care too... cos i do.

DX

Darn

2008-01-03T17:07:00.000+08:00

there's splitting of classes within classes; meaning weaker students get stronger teachers, and so on.

i'm in the weaker/ weakest class in physics and economics.

how screwed am i? isn't that rhetorical?

DX

End

2007-12-30T22:49:00.000+08:00

i am super tired of sticking myself knee-deep into things that i can't do. i am super tired of some people. just tired. but i enjoyed the company. hope they will remember me as one who's nice and a pushover. but who hates having a pushover as a higher-up? whatever it is, i love shooting and i will stand by my team and team-to-be to get them to the podium position we've lusted for so long. nothing shall get in our way. except my studies.

DX

Song-10

2007-12-25T22:50:00.000+08:00

if i told you things i did before
told you how i used to be
would you go along with someone like me
if you knew my story word for word
had all of my history
would you go along with someone like me

i did before and had my share
it didn't lead nowhere
i would go along with someone like you
it doesn't matter what you did
who you were hanging with
we could stick around and see this night through

and we don't care about the young folks
talkin' 'bout the young style
and we don't care about the old folks
talkin' 'bout the old style too
and we don't care about our own folks
talkin' 'bout our own style
all we care about is talking
talking only me and you

usually when things has gone this far
people tend to disappear
no one would surprise me unless you do

i can tell there's something goin' on

hours seem to disappear
everyone is leaving i'm still with you

it doesn't matter what we do
where we are going to
we can stick around and see this night through

and we don't care about the young folks
talkin' 'bout the young style
and we don't care about the old folks
talkin' 'bout the old style too
and we don't care about our own folks
talkin' 'bout our own style
all we care about is talking
talking only me and you

and we don't care about the young folks
talkin' 'bout the young style
and we don't care about the old folks
talkin' 'bout the old style too
and we don't care about our own folks
talkin' 'bout our own style
all we care about is talking
talking only me and you
talking only me and you

talking only me and you
talking only me and you

P.S. i still love you

DX

Song-09

2007-12-13T12:49:00.000+08:00

Under your spell again.
I can't say no to you.
Crave my heart and it's bleeding in your hand.
I can't say no to you.

Shouldn't have let you torture me so sweetly.
Now I can't let go of this dream.
I can't breathe but I feel...

Good enough,
I feel good enough for you.

Drink up sweet decadence.
I can't say no to you,
And I've completely lost myself, and I don't mind.
I can't say no to you.

Shouldn't let you conquer me completely.
Now I can't let go of this dream.
Can't believe that I feel...

Good enough,
I feel good enough.
It's been such a long time coming, but I feel good.

And I'm still waiting for the rain to fall.
Pour real life down on me.
'Cause I can't hold on to anything this good enough.
Am I good enough for you to love me too?

So take care what you ask of me,
'cause I can't say no.

P.S. ...

DX

Song-08

2007-12-06T23:04:00.001+08:00

Listen

Woke up this morning
Heard the TV sayin' something
'Bout disaster in the world and
It made me wonder where I'm going
There's so much darkness in the world
But I see beauty left in you girl
And what you give me makes me know
That I'll be alright

Because if your love was all I had
In this life
Well that would be enough
Until the end of time
So rest your weary heart
And relax your mind
Cause I'm gonna love you girl
Until the end of time

You've got me singing
Oh whoa, yeah
Oh whoa, yeah
Everybody sing
Oh whoa, yeah
Everybody singing
Oh whoa yeah

No if you're ever wondering
About the way I'm feeling
Well baby girl there ain't no question
Just to be around you is a blessing
Sick and tired of trying to save the world
I just want to spend my time with you girl
And what you're giving me
Makes me know that we'll be alright.

Because if your love was all I had
In this life
Well that would be enough
Until the end of time
So rest your weary heart
And relax your mind
Cause I'm gonna love you girl
Until the end of time

You've got me singing
Oh whoa, yeah
Oh whoa, yeah
Everybody sing
Oh whoa, yeah
Everybody singing
Oh whoa yeah

This one's for the lovers
If you're out there let me hear you say
Yeah, yeah, yeah
(Yeah, yeah, yeah)
This one's for the lovers
If you're out there let me hear you say
Yeah, yeah
(Yeah, yeah)
This one's for the lovers
If you're out there let me hear you say
Yeah, yeah, yeah
(Yeah, yeah, yeah)
This one's for the lovers
If you're out there let me hear you say
Yeah, yeah
(Yeah, yeah)

Oh whoa yeah
Oh whoa yeah
Oh whoa yeah
Oh whoa yeah

Cause if your love was all I had
In this life
That would be enough
Until the end of time

P.S. i love you

DX

Fitness

2007-11-28T19:05:00.000+08:00

Maybe i should start running 2 times a day to keep fit.
Maybe i should do crunches 3 times a day to lose some flab.
Maybe i should swim 3 times a week to get some body parts working.
Maybe i should do pushups during my free time to hopefully slim down.
Maybe i should have some form of regime during the holiday for working out.

Maybe i shouldn't say maybe.

DX

Knife-point

2007-11-27T19:11:00.000+08:00

What do you do when you got a knife against your throat?

DX

Song-07

2007-11-22T00:09:00.001+08:00

Well I was there on the day
They sold the cause for the queen,
And when the lights all went out
We watched our lives on the screen.
I hate the ending myself,
But it started with an alright scene.

It was the roar of the crowd
That gave me heartache to sing.
It was a lie when they smiled
And said, "you won't feel a thing"
And as we ran from the cops
We laughed so hard, it would sting

Yeah yeah, oh

If I'm so wrong (so wrong, so wrong)
How can you listen all night long? (night long, night long)
Now will it matter after I'm gone?
Because you never learn a goddamned thing.

You're just a sad song with nothing to say
About a life long wait for a hospital stay
And if you think that I'm wrong,
This never meant nothing to you

I spent my high school career
Spit on and shoved to agree
So I could watch all my heroes
Sell a car on tv
Bring out the old guillotine

We'll show 'em what we all mean.

Yeah yeah, oh

If I'm so wrong (so wrong, so wrong)
How can you listen all night long? (night long, night long)
Now will it matter long after I'm gone?
Because you never learn a goddamned thing.

You're just a sad song with nothing to say
About a life long wait for a hospital stay
And if you think that I'm wrong,
This never meant nothing to ya

So go, go away, just go, run away.
But where did you run to? And where did you hide?
Go find another way, price you pay

Woah, Woah, Woah, Woah, Woah, Woah

You're just a sad song with nothing to say
About a life long wait for a hospital stay
And if you think that I'm wrong,
This never meant nothing to ya, come on

You're just a sad song with nothing to say
About a life long wait for a hospital stay
And if you think that I'm wrong,
This never meant nothing to you

At all, at all, at all, at all

P.S. POLITICS SUCK!

DX

Return

2007-11-19T18:31:00.000+08:00

Back from crashed Internet, but this doesn't make my life even more... hectic? SUPER BORED!

DX

Bored

2007-11-11T00:01:00.000+08:00

sian

DX

Song-06

2007-11-04T15:07:00.000+08:00

You were the only face I'd ever known.
I was the light from the lamp on the floor,
and only as bright as you wanted me to be.
But, I am no gentleman, I can be a prick,
and I do regret more than I admit.
You have been followed back to the same place I sat with you drink for drink.
Take the pain out of love and then love won't exist.

Everything we had, everything we had,
everything we had, everything we had is no longer there.

It was the only place I'd never known.
Turned off the light on my way out the door.
I will be watching wherever you go,
through the eyes of a fly on the wall.
You have been followed back to the same place I sat with you drink for drink.
Take the pain out of love and then love won't exist.

Everything we had, everything we had,
everything we had, everything we had is no longer there, longer there.

You saw for yourself, the way it played out.
For you, I am blinded.
For you, I am blinded, for you.

I am no gentleman, I can be a prick.
And I do regret more than I admit.
You have been followed back to the same place I sat with you drink for drink.
Take the pain out of love and then love won't exist.

Everything we had, everything we had,
everything we had, everything we had.
Everything we had, everything we had,
everything we had...

I'll be with you wherever you go,
through the eyes of a fly on the wall.

P.S. I just don't know...

DX

Relax

2007-11-04T13:36:00.000+08:00

05112007's chalet. Hope won't be wasting time there. I must also remind myself not to spend too much, need to save up... So boring, the holidays.

DX

Thrift

2007-11-03T09:37:00.000+08:00

Hamburgers! I'll just save up.

DX

Broke

2007-11-02T14:32:00.000+08:00

Shucks! I don't have enough money.

DX

Song-05

2007-10-28T00:57:00.000+08:00

When I see your smile
Tears run down my face I can't replace
And now that I'm strong I have figured out
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul
And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.
Seasons are changing
And waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I'll be the one

I will never let you fall (let you fall)
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all (through it all)
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

Cuz you're my, you're my, my, my true love, my whole heart
Please don't throw that away
Your Guardian Angel
Cuz I'm here for you
Please don't walk away and
Please tell me you'll stay, stay

Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I'll be okay
Though my skies are turning gray

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

P.S. This is how far i'm going. Hope you feel it.

DX

Relieved

2007-10-27T07:57:00.000+08:00

School term ended yesterday, and i'm happy to find out that i'm able to move on. That's gratifying, but that feeling is short-lived. Welcome to the real world, where everything other thing is unpredictable. I've got to engage a tutor to help me gear up for the final lap.

Now, i can go on to fulfil my next dream, or plan of actions. Hope that she will agree! I really do hope to know how she feels; even though there's no action or initiatives taken by me for the past term (or two) doesn't mean i've stopped feeling that eay towards her.

That's about it from me today. Good luck all in your endeavours!

DX

Begrudged

2007-10-21T00:15:00.000+08:00

It's very disheartening to be called names by your classmates. It feels alright after they don't call you that and start to give you that little ounce of respect. It's sad that you cannot follow them up. It's surprising to find that a friend (or ex-classmate for that matter) is stuck with that same situation as you. It feels worse that your ex-classmate (or friend, whichever way you look; since you *may* or *may not* be able to stand him/ her) called you the similar name, citing sources of the past year. It feels really terrible that that name is vulgar and is a military term for something that's real bad. It's ignorant of your friend (*supposedly* or *non-supposedly*, since friends are suppose to accept one for who they are, be it good or bad; which leaves me to wonder: is there a tolerance level of acceptance in a friendship?) to not know what you really mean when you have written about the situation you're in, and hope that it goes away. It's a bad move that you write about it, since the real meaning is not being received by your ex-classmate, and instead made known to others who had called you some other name that does not have any implied/double meanings or pun to them; just a matter of good clean fun. It's okay that you have to explain yourself to the other parties other than that friend of yours that you are not referring to them. It's hurtful when that ex-classmate decided to let that other name take precedence of your real name. It's not normal a friend to do that, therefore i'm just curious and puzzled that should i even wonder about this. It's alright that you have to face the world with smiles and laughter though you may be sad and unhappy. It's better to keep things to oneself than to release it, since you got no respect; you shouldn't even try to make things worse for yourself. It's heartening that by writing out your true emotions it is kept in private audience- no one knows. No one cares and no one will take action (or actions for that matter). It's unwitting of one to touch that ex-classmate's raw nerve, and spark off a plethora of hurtful name-calling and targeting. It's wrong to find out from your previous class how or why did they begin to call you that name. It's depressing to find out that they don't know why they do that- by not being able to recall the origins of that slew of name calling mean that they do not take it to heart. By not taking it to heart it means that they treat it as nothing. By treating it as nothing it means that they will do it again. By doing it again it means that other party (or parties) will be hurt. It's right to be civilised and not scold vulgarities. It's going to be uncontrollable, once you blow your top. Since you had contained the hatred, the emotions and the angst seemingly well, once you lapse into rage you will start to recall what series of events triggered this maelstrom of emotions and flow of actions, all of which will only fuel your temper.

I chose to contain my unhappiness, and only release it at the private sphere. However, in perspective, when i on certain occasions that i released it in front of that friend and/or directly at that ex-classmate, i had to tolerate the after-actions too; citing that it is all in the name of harmless fun. Had i not make clear of my stand as to harmful name calling? Had i not tolerate enough of your childish actions and mannerisms? Had i not given you enough "face" to not address this directly in your face (no pun intended- if you're insensitive, i will seek this chance to clarify; since i'm in a rather unfeeling mood i'm not in a right state to even joke)? Considering your age, you should be the one to set an example. There are, in school a great amount of people your junior who displayed maturity of thought and actions, not citing the class. Please. Mature. Otherwise you'll suffer. I'll see to it that you truly do. I'll make sure. "Tolerance" has a limit, though it is a relative term. DO NOT TAKE MY POSITIVE, OUTGOING AND SEEMINGLY WELL-TEMPERED PERSONA AS MY WEAKNESS.

DX (I will still sign off, no matter what.)

Unhappy

2007-10-18T11:21:00.000+08:00

Now that the dust's settled, i still see myself in a dire crisis. Facing the problem of not promoting, yet again. However, this time i feel as if something really impaled me. like a pole-arm thrust by a lancer going at full gallop. It hurts and it feels bad. It's a sharp but slow and agonizing. Humiliating. Mocking. Condescending. Yet in me i still hope for salvation.

The school year is ending soon, and i had (self-proclaimed) initiated the intra-class angel mortal game. It's not well received, from what it looks like. Thought that this (first and) last thing i planned for the class is appreciated. Truth be told, reality checked, it's obviously not.

DX

Death

2007-10-11T20:03:00.000+08:00

You know, if you see things in a different light, you will be:
-emotionally unstable
-hard to let go of it (or them)
-start to hate yourself, or hate yourself even more
-harbour suicidal thoughts; contemplating your own demise

However, after a while, you might even:
-try to accept yourself for who you are, hence eliminating your suicidal thoughts
-be nonchalant
-be indifferent
-become a sociopath
-make other people worse off, leaving you as yourself

DX

Goodbye

2007-10-10T21:15:00.000+08:00

I got retained again. God forbid, but life is bad. I hate it. So much for improvement. I hate myself.

DX

Song-04

2007-10-08T22:26:00.000+08:00

I shouldn't love you but I want to
I just can't turn away
I shouldn't see you but I can't move
I can't look away

I shouldn't love you but I want to
I just can't turn away
I shouldn't see you but I can't move
I can't look away

And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not
'Cause I don't know how to make a feeling stop

Just so you know
This feeling's taking control of me
And I can't help it
I won't sit around, I can't let him win now
Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go of you
But I don't want to
I just gotta say it all
Before I go
Just so you know

It's getting hard to be around you
There's so much I can't say
Do you want me to hide the feelings
And look the other way

And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not
'Cause I don't know how to make a feeling stop

Just so you know
This feeling's taking control of me
And I can't help it
I won't sit around, I can't let him win now
Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go of you
But I don't want to
I just gotta say it all
Before I go
Just so you know

This emptiness is killing me
And I'm wondering why I've waited so long
Looking back I realize
It was always there just never spoken
I'm waiting here...been waiting here

Just so you know
This feeling's taking control of me
And I can't help it
I won't sit around, I can't let him win now
Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go of you
But I don't want to
I just gotta say it all
Before I go
Just so you know

Fear

2007-10-07T14:37:00.000+08:00

As the days draw nearer to 11102007, i begin to feel more and more uneasy. I start to worry more, and i cannot seem to set anything straight. Darn it, it all feels so strangely familiar...

What will i do if history repeats itself? Where will i go? Who should i turn to? I do not know how. Please, if anything i can do to help myself, i will do it.

Please. Send Help.

DX

Movie

2007-10-06T19:58:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, i went for a movie with my best friend. Maybe not a friends, rather buddy. I should say he's like my brother which i never had. We watched the sneak of Resident Evil: Extinction. The funny part of the movie is that for most of the time the two of us covered our ears when the screen is dark, or that they are underground. Well, i guess it's nice to watch horror movies with someone that won't laugh at you, no?

On the point of why he is more than just a best friend and all, is that between the two of us, there are immense trust. i don't know how to say it, but it's like the most important thing between friends, lovers, partners and any other relationships you may come across is trust. I learned a lot of things from him, and he gives me advice most, if not all the time we meet. Surely, such friends are hard to find, let alone come by.

Y'know, i have this something that i really want to tell you guys about. However, it is constantly undermined and stifled by my subconscious. Not now, i guess. Not this time. Yet.

DX

Song-03

2007-10-04T20:26:00.000+08:00

And my heart hangs from this noose
Like your footsteps, in crowded rooms
Filled with sweet scents of autumn blooms
Is this what you imagined?

Catch a glimpse from her empty stare
Hidden eyes behind her auburn hair
Catch my breath for the smoke to clear
And it's just as it should be

My best laid plans
Will build and break your heart
Her guilty hands
Tear my whole world apart
My mind keeps racing
She's softly dreaming
I'm scraped and sober
But there's no one listening

And we'll wake up in vacant rooms
Pull you close to my aching skin
Broken glass on the porcelain
Is this what you imagined?

We'll forget what we used to say
And our lives won't mean anything
Pull me close as I drift away
And it's just as it should be

My best laid plans
Will build and break your heart
Her guilty hands
Tear my whole world apart
My mind keeps racing
She's softly dreaming
I'm scraped and sober
But there's no one listening

And we'll both take our revenge
But we still don't feel any better
And we'll both take our revenge
But we still don't feel any better

And we'll both take our revenge
But we still don't feel any better
And we'll both take our revenge
But we still don't feel any better
And we'll both take our revenge
But we still don't feel any better
And we'll both take our revenge
But we still don't feel any better

I'm scraped and sober, but there's no one listening
I'm scraped and sober, but there's no one listening
I'm scraped and sober, but there's no one listening (feel any better)
I'm scraped and sober, but there's no one listening to me at all

Call

2007-10-03T18:48:00.001+08:00

another friend: eh, go sing song leh...
me: i thought you got A's to do?
another friend: with A's then cannot relax meh?
me: no lah... hais i very depressed now eh...
another friend: wad? scared getting held up another year?
me: not just that, i can't seem to do anything right... you when want to sing song?
another friend: whenever you want loh...
me: okay tell you next time... should be within this week... bye... take care and jia you...

DX

Lunch

2007-10-03T18:43:00.000+08:00

friend: why you so tired today?
me: cos i sleep late... yesterday celebrate father's birthday...
friend: ... say, why don't you take up a sport?
me: i can't run... i run 1 km everyday...
friend: not enough... 1 km is for X country warm-up...
me: ... sian lah... you online everyday since it blows over is it?
friend: yah... then what? you leh?
me: i don't go online as much after it blew over... just nwah... and sleep...
friend: play dota lahs...
me: i'm not good at it, might as well not play...

DX

Song-02

2007-09-26T19:56:00.000+08:00

Everytime that I look in the mirror
All these lines on my face gettin clearer
The past is gone
It went by like dust to dawn
Isnt that the way
Everybodys got their dues in life to pay

I know what nobody knows
Where it comes and where it goes
I know its everybodys sin
You got to lose to know how to win

Half my life is in books written pages
Live and learn from fools and from sages
You know its true
All the things come back to you

Sing with me, sing for the years
Sing for the laughter, sing for the tears
Sing with me, if its just for today
Maybe tomorrow the good lord will take you away

Sing with me, sing for the years
Sing for the laughter, sing for the tears
Sing with me, if its just for today
Maybe tomorrow the good lord will take you away

Dream on, dream on
Dream yourself a dream come true
Dream on, dream on
Dream until your dream come true
Dream on, dream on, dream on...

Sing with me, sing for the years
Sing for the laughter and sing for the tears
Sing with me, if its just for today
Maybe tomorrow the good lord will take you away

Conquests

2007-09-23T20:49:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow, i will be taking my promotional examinations. I took it before, and it should be fine. I hope. Suddenly i just feel so oppressed. There are no more options left for me, should i still do not make it. Hopefully i will. It is for the greater good, i think. Have i revised? Yes i did. Do i have any applied knowledge? No i do not. That is my defeat.

DX

Song-01

2007-09-21T19:05:00.000+08:00

Last night I had a dream about you
In this dream I'm dancing right beside you
And it looked like everyone was having fun
the kind of feeling I've waited so long

Don't stop come a little closer
As we jam the rhythm gets stronger
There's nothing wrong with just a little little fun
We were dancing all night long

The time is right to put my arms around you
You're feeling right
You wrap your arms around too
But suddenly I feel the shining sun
Before I knew it this dream was all gone

Ooh I don't know what to do
About this dream and you
I wish this dream comes true

Ooh I don't know what to do
About this dream and you
We'll make this dream come true

Why don't you play the game ?
Why don't you play the game ?