Begrudged

It's very disheartening to be called names by your classmates. It feels alright after they don't call you that and start to give you that little ounce of respect. It's sad that you cannot follow them up. It's surprising to find that a friend (or ex-classmate for that matter) is stuck with that same situation as you. It feels worse that your ex-classmate (or friend, whichever way you look; since you *may* or *may not* be able to stand him/ her) called you the similar name, citing sources of the past year. It feels really terrible that that name is vulgar and is a military term for something that's real bad. It's ignorant of your friend (*supposedly* or *non-supposedly*, since friends are suppose to accept one for who they are, be it good or bad; which leaves me to wonder: is there a tolerance level of acceptance in a friendship?) to not know what you really mean when you have written about the situation you're in, and hope that it goes away. It's a bad move that you write about it, since the real meaning is not being received by your ex-classmate, and instead made known to others who had called you some other name that does not have any implied/double meanings or pun to them; just a matter of good clean fun. It's okay that you have to explain yourself to the other parties other than that friend of yours that you are not referring to them. It's hurtful when that ex-classmate decided to let that other name take precedence of your real name. It's not normal a friend to do that, therefore i'm just curious and puzzled that should i even wonder about this. It's alright that you have to face the world with smiles and laughter though you may be sad and unhappy. It's better to keep things to oneself than to release it, since you got no respect; you shouldn't even try to make things worse for yourself. It's heartening that by writing out your true emotions it is kept in private audience- no one knows. No one cares and no one will take action (or actions for that matter). It's unwitting of one to touch that ex-classmate's raw nerve, and spark off a plethora of hurtful name-calling and targeting. It's wrong to find out from your previous class how or why did they begin to call you that name. It's depressing to find out that they don't know why they do that- by not being able to recall the origins of that slew of name calling mean that they do not take it to heart. By not taking it to heart it means that they treat it as nothing. By treating it as nothing it means that they will do it again. By doing it again it means that other party (or parties) will be hurt. It's right to be civilised and not scold vulgarities. It's going to be uncontrollable, once you blow your top. Since you had contained the hatred, the emotions and the angst seemingly well, once you lapse into rage you will start to recall what series of events triggered this maelstrom of emotions and flow of actions, all of which will only fuel your temper.

I chose to contain my unhappiness, and only release it at the private sphere. However, in perspective, when i on certain occasions that i released it in front of that friend and/or directly at that ex-classmate, i had to tolerate the after-actions too; citing that it is all in the name of harmless fun. Had i not make clear of my stand as to harmful name calling? Had i not tolerate enough of your childish actions and mannerisms? Had i not given you enough "face" to not address this directly in your face (no pun intended- if you're insensitive, i will seek this chance to clarify; since i'm in a rather unfeeling mood i'm not in a right state to even joke)? Considering your age, you should be the one to set an example. There are, in school a great amount of people your junior who displayed maturity of thought and actions, not citing the class. Please. Mature. Otherwise you'll suffer. I'll see to it that you truly do. I'll make sure. "Tolerance" has a limit, though it is a relative term. DO NOT TAKE MY POSITIVE, OUTGOING AND SEEMINGLY WELL-TEMPERED PERSONA AS MY WEAKNESS.

DX (I will still sign off, no matter what.)